I got into an argument about awareness.

It became a “he said, she said” discussion. She said that awareness was very important and that she was always aware of her emotions so she could make the right decision. I argued that being truly aware is finding a place in your mind where you are not pulled in any direction. Having emotions guide your awareness is simply just awareness of emotion. You can imagine how the argument went from there.

I realized that she was arguing about being aware of something that was very important to her, her emotions. I argued about being fully aware, aware of everything. This turned out to be a cliché male vs. female argument. For the record, I was wrong! I was arguing for mindfulness, not awareness.

The thought of limited versus full awareness has made me think. Am I one of the people that let “perfect” be the enemy of “good”? Or “great”? If you are doing something well, shouldn’t that be enough? Well, I guess that depends of your awareness of your goal. I do not believe that perfect exists but there is a certain logic to striving for the illusion of perfection while expecting something less. Setting high goals, as long as they are sensible, it a good thing, right?

Let’s take a step back and analyze what awareness really means. Sure, you can practice awareness and become aware of certain things. Your parents would tell you to pay attention to something. Your boss would warn you to be aware of a situation. You would tell the police officer that you were not aware of the speed limit. The Merriam Webster dictionary defines awareness as:

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: knowing that something (such as a situation, condition, or problem) exists

: feeling, experiencing, or noticing something (such as a sound, sensation, or emotion)

: knowing and understanding a lot about what is happening in the world or around you

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Ok, so we have the definitions. What is defined is still what I argued, limited awareness. After a little research with my partner Google and consultant Merriam Webster, I realized that what I was arguing for was mindfulness:

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: the quality or state of being mindful

: the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, or experiences on a moment-to-moment basis

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I wish I had those definitions during my discussion. Actually, I should have been mindful of her argument. Mindfulness is complete awareness. Mindfulness is complete awareness of everything.

I have only experienced true mindfulness once in my 43-year-old lifetime. I was at a Vipassana meditation retreat (because a friend told me it would be good for me) and I spent 10-days in complete silence. It is as bad as you think the first couple of days. Your mind is working overtime trying to persuade you to leave. Your mind does not like silence. In fact, it likes noise so much that it is OK with repeating thoughts over and over. First, your mind creates fear and anxiety. At one point I was sure I was in a cult that would make me drink the koolaid. Then the mind starts distracting you with your inner stand-up comic. it is very funny. After decades of thinking, your mind pulls out every dirty trick in the book to keep you thinking.

But after a week of focusing on breathing you experience your first seconds of complete emptiness…nothingness…and it feels fantastic. On the last two days, you are enjoying the silence of the mind so much that you actually get upset, which is another trick of the mind, when you hear the lunch bell. It is all very fascinating.

Anyway, to reach a place of true mindfulness, you pretty much have to become a monk in a monastery living away from everything. But knowing that silencing the mind will make you think clearer is very beneficial in life, that all the noise in your head leads to stress, problems, anxiety, fatigue and maybe sickness.

With this in “mind”, I would have structured my argument differently. I would have told her that being aware of your emotions is a very good thing as many people are not. But one should be aware of as many things as possible, to practice awareness as often as we can, to maybe one day reach a state of mindfulness where nothing is guiding our decisions.

One final thought. The word “mindful” is literally not correct in this sense. Figuratively, yes! “Mindless” would make sense, right? Again, Merriam Webster can help:

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: having or showing no ability to think, feel, or respond

: showing no use of intelligence or thought : having no purpose

: requiring very little attention or thought

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Do you read the above definitions as positive? I do. When taking into consideration all the noise we have in our mind, caused by thinking and feeling, the absence of those would make us more clearheaded so we can make better decisions.

So, the next time you see somebody stressed out, tell them to go practice some mindlessness for a while.

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practice mindlessness!

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